Thankful...

My random thoughts...
     being thankful...
          being faithful...
               being hopeful...


I have a lot of things to be thankful for from the past year.. 2014 brought a lot of challenges in my life but the fact that I was able to survive and to move on means I have conquered those challenges.

I can still remember the things that made me cry, made me upset, made me feel like I wanna give up... but what I remember more are the blessings that God gave me and my loved ones. I know I am more of a pessimist that an optimist but looking back at how blessed I was in 2014 reminds me that life is about having faith in God. It is about believing that Someone up there knows the best for us. Yes, we may have plans for our life. I do. In fact, my plans are very detailed. But I try my best to always remind myself to surrender everything to God - do what I can do and surrender the rest to Him. Whatever happens, whether it's according to what I have in mind or not, I have to keep my faith that God's plan is always the best for me. I may not like it but I have to trust that it is never the worst.

It is not easy to always think positively and that good things will eventually happen especially for people like me - idealistic, pessimistic, cynical (IKR). But having faith in God helps a lot. My faith in God is the only thing right now that keeps me sane and makes me smile. Yes, I wanted to have an ideal life in this world but I have to constantly tell myself that it is impossible because the only "ideal" place we can be is with God. This world is just temporary. But that does not mean we can't dream or aspire anything nice for our life, of course not! Still, we must work and persevere to utilize the life given to us by making the most out of it. We must make the most out of the blessings God has been giving us - whether it's financial blessing, physical, mental, etc. - we must put them to good use. But then our goals must not make us blind to God's promise of heaven with Him.

We might fail from achieving the things that we want but in the end, what matters most is that we tried our best to live a good life not just for ourselves but mainly for Him.

This post might raise questions about faith (or religion maybe) but I won't argue with anyone. These are my personal thoughts about my faith. Like what I have said, my faith in God keeps me sane. It makes me thankful. It makes me hopeful. And these feelings allow me to feel joy and happiness and in return glorify and praise God no matter what the circumstances are.

Peace.Love.Happiness.

Fight Anxiety

It has been my rule in life to never expect something good to avoid disappointments. However, no matter how hard we try not to expect, hope still exists. I always tell myself to hope for the best but expect the worst. But this sounds easier than done. No matter how much we convince ourselves that everything will be okay, still there's a little corner out there filled with anxiety. As far as I can remember, being anxious has been part of my personality since childhood. For some reasons, it's so easy for me to be worried and sometimes paranoid with the things happening around me. People who are very close to me who have known me since I was young tell me that I am idealistic that's why I always take things seriously and this is the reason why I always get anxious. I don't want to accept it but I am. If possible, I want things to be perfect and I want them to happen according to what I think is ideal. And when things go wrong or in a different direction as I am, then I get frustrated. Even though I am trying my best to change but it's difficult. I just want everything to be organized. It is so hard for me to put into reality that the world is composed of people with their own will and things happen according to the will of God.

At this moment, I remember the verse from the Bible that says:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Matthew 6: 25-33

I know these things that I feel are God's challenges to me that I have to face and conquer.  I have to believe that God believes in me and that I will be able to surpass His trials.
Sometimes, God let us suffer so that we can remember that we are not supernaturals, we are humans and we need Him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 

There had been several times that things did not happen according to my will and I asked God why. I was not able to get the answer right away but as the time goes by, God is eventually answering me.

No matter how much we plan for our lives, God will always have the best plan for us.