In the Sky

i just realized that over the years, a decade maybe, i lost a lot..
i lost my passion for my art, my creativity.

i used to be passionate about writing, literature, poetry..
and i just lost it.

i used to create poems, a lot of them..
beautiful ones but now are gone.

i can't recall when, how, or why..
or maybe they're not lost..
just floating in the sky.

Meditating v1 - Relationships

can't sleep yet.. and as usual..
i'm in a reflective mood..
thinking about "relationships"...
over analyzing...

a relationship (in the context of love - whether family, friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, etc.) is indeed very complex...

it takes an endless effort and countless factors to keep any relationship "alive"...
otherwise, it will slowly wither and die...

putting effort and doing one's part to nurture the relationship is a choice...
it is a decision that we must make not once but on a daily basis...
it is a commitment that we must value and renew everyday...

if we feel that the relationship is becoming weak, it must be our responsibility to nourish it with love in different forms...

and we must remember that the complexity of a relationship is brought about by the individual complexity of the people involved in it...
therefore, efforts must not come from one party only but from everybody...

if one has decided to sever from the relationship...
then it will be like a complex machine with a missing part...
no matter how polished the other parts are, the machine will still definitely not work...

and most importantly, a relationship must be guided by the Author of Love... God.

Peace.Love.Happiness.




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Grad Student #Hugot

I was ENTERING the campus this afternoon (on my way to my class) when I realized that a lot of people were actually going the opposite direction - they were going OUT of the campus. Well, it's not because of any untoward incident inside the campus like bomb threat or earthquake. They were going out because they were supposed to - it was past 5 in the afternoon, the sun is slowly setting in, and the moon is peeking out. But me? I am one of the few people who are walking towards the campus to attend my class. It has been like this for that past few weeks since the classes started but maybe I was just so preoccupied that I was not able to pay attention to it until today. And as I was walking, a very common Filipino line (from a movie) occurred to me, "Papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako." Rephrasing the line, I then kept telling myself, "Pauwi na sila, papasok pa lang ako."

I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this #hugot (hashtag hugot) line. Not only graduate students who have classes at night but also those whose work is scheduled in American/Western time (usually BPO employees).

Time has changed, indeed. Not even the setting of the sun can dictate what we should or should not be doing. Not even the appearance of the moon can tell us that we must sleep.

But when it comes to sleeping, all I can say is:



http://img.ifcdn.com/images/a3e78c5e80268fd827b10aa149591d8b92214ec502e5a9a1740f4438ac6e92ac_1.jpg


Peace.Love.Happiness.

Happy 9 years of Twisted Thoughts!

It's been 9 years since I started this blog.
Its contents and how the mood of this blog changes somehow represent the changes that happened in my life. Although I'm not able to update this blog on a regular basis, I still feel like this blog has somehow became an extension & witness of my life in  its own little way.

Happy 9 years to my twisted thoughts!

Thankful...

My random thoughts...
     being thankful...
          being faithful...
               being hopeful...


I have a lot of things to be thankful for from the past year.. 2014 brought a lot of challenges in my life but the fact that I was able to survive and to move on means I have conquered those challenges.

I can still remember the things that made me cry, made me upset, made me feel like I wanna give up... but what I remember more are the blessings that God gave me and my loved ones. I know I am more of a pessimist that an optimist but looking back at how blessed I was in 2014 reminds me that life is about having faith in God. It is about believing that Someone up there knows the best for us. Yes, we may have plans for our life. I do. In fact, my plans are very detailed. But I try my best to always remind myself to surrender everything to God - do what I can do and surrender the rest to Him. Whatever happens, whether it's according to what I have in mind or not, I have to keep my faith that God's plan is always the best for me. I may not like it but I have to trust that it is never the worst.

It is not easy to always think positively and that good things will eventually happen especially for people like me - idealistic, pessimistic, cynical (IKR). But having faith in God helps a lot. My faith in God is the only thing right now that keeps me sane and makes me smile. Yes, I wanted to have an ideal life in this world but I have to constantly tell myself that it is impossible because the only "ideal" place we can be is with God. This world is just temporary. But that does not mean we can't dream or aspire anything nice for our life, of course not! Still, we must work and persevere to utilize the life given to us by making the most out of it. We must make the most out of the blessings God has been giving us - whether it's financial blessing, physical, mental, etc. - we must put them to good use. But then our goals must not make us blind to God's promise of heaven with Him.

We might fail from achieving the things that we want but in the end, what matters most is that we tried our best to live a good life not just for ourselves but mainly for Him.

This post might raise questions about faith (or religion maybe) but I won't argue with anyone. These are my personal thoughts about my faith. Like what I have said, my faith in God keeps me sane. It makes me thankful. It makes me hopeful. And these feelings allow me to feel joy and happiness and in return glorify and praise God no matter what the circumstances are.

Peace.Love.Happiness.

Wedding and Marriage

A lot of celeb couples have been engaged this year. Their proposals have caused love to apparently be more popular than it already is. For someone at my age (and being in a very long committed relationship), I kind of feel the pressure of joining the pool. Though I'm not the one to ask, I feel like I want him to ask me already (although we already talked about it) and even if I know I still have tons of things that I wanna do before I get married.

These past few months, I've been thinking a lot about wedding preparations. I've been saving images for wedding essentials like gown designs, themed decors, etc. I keep on daydreaming about that day when I can get to wear my dream wedding gown and look like a queen in white. These daydreams made me feel frustrated as the days went by. Because I think about it too much, anxiety ruled over me. I worry that my dream wedding day won't come. I started having negative thoughts about my partner. Weeks passed by and my obsession with weddings grew as well as my frustrations until I came to a point where I don't understand myself anymore - I don't know what I want anymore - do I want to get married now? What about my priorities?

After trying hard to sort things out, I came to a realization - I want to be engaged, plan my wedding, make my dream wedding happen, BUT I don't want to get married yet.

Yes, confusing right? It took time before I figured that out. Just like other women out there (perhaps), I am excited about the thought of wearing that diamond ring in my finger, saying yes to my man, the cheers from our families and friends, the grandeur of a dream wedding day but I never thought of being married AFTER the wedding day. This realization helped me focus on my goals and priorities. Surely, getting married is part of the list but I know for sure that I don't want it for now. I must always remember (and all women out there as well) that the wedding day is just an icing on top of the cake, it's just the sauce on the spaghetti, creamer on the coffee - in short, wedding is not equivalent to marriage. Being excited for your wedding day does not mean that you are ready to get married.

(photo credit from http://izquotes.com/)

Peace.Love.Happiness.

Happy 8 years of twisted thoughts!

I was just looking at my blog when I decided to go down memory lane and check my very first post. I then noticed the date and remembered that it's August now and I started this blog in August also. To my surprise, my very first blog was dated Aug. 24, 2006 and the post entitled "Back to Blogging" was dated Aug. 24, 2014... it's been 8 years!Although I'm an on-off blogger, I am still happy that this blog has been part of my life. You can even see in my posts how I was 8 years ago - such an emo kid hahaha!

Happy 8 years to my blog!

Peace.Love.Happiness.

Back to blogging...

It's been a while (more than a year) since I last posted here. I even forgot what email address I used for this blog. I've been busy with a lot of things (which I will be sharing here since I would try my best to find time to write something at least once a week). Anyway, I just bumped into some inspiration to get back to blogging again and to work double(hopefully I can) in order for me to achieve my goals. The list of things that I want to accomplish for 2014 and 2015 is overflowing and I'm not sure if I can make it.

Please help me pray for God's continuous blessings of perseverance, faith, strength, knowledge and everything that I need to push through with my goals.

On my next post, I'll be sharing my experiences with UPOU and my journey in earning my master's degree. (I've shared here the essay I wrote as part of the requirements way back when I was still applying for an admission at UPOU.)

Peace.Love.Happiness.

Reviving My Blog

It has been a while, approximately 9 months and a week, since my last post. I cannot pinpoint why but maybe because I've been busy. Yup! I posted last year that I started my pursuit for a master's degree at UPOU and it has kept me busy considering that I still have to work.

Anyway, so much for my reasons, the idea of reviving this blog came to me after realizing that no matter how busy I can be, I can still have time if I want to. Writing has been my favorite hobby (since birth) and being busy should not be a reason for me to stop.

I've been very active in social networking (facebook actually) but blogging is still different. I want to revive not just this blog but part of my old self as well. I haven't written any article in a while (except for graded essays as requirements in my studies). I hope to motivate and inspire myself constantly so I can continue to live my dream of being a writer in my own way. Still, I'll write about anything under the sun - I'll share the simple thoughts of the twisted writer.

Peace.
Love.
Happiness.

It's been a while...

It's been a while and I haven't posted a blog article since when? November? Well, I guess I should spank myself for being such a reluctant blogger. This just proves that I am a moody person... I don't write when I'm not in the mood. When I started this blog, I just  wanted it to be a way to express how I feel. (And that can be proven with my blogs way back 2006). But then as I grew older, I think I became more mature and told myself that freedom of expression also comes with responsibility. And because of that, whenever I feel like putting all my thoughts into blogs, I have to think twice or maybe a hundred times and then I should decide if what I am about to post are worthy posting. I somehow believe that what you post reflects your personality. And we can always choose to improve our personality. I don't want my blogs to be just a mere reflection of negative vibes and whatever hatred I just suddenly feel towards people, hence, I want it to be worthy reading. But this does not excuse me for not posting that often. ☺ So I guess for 2012, I will put more effort in making my blog a true blog. ☺

Löve ♥ Peace ☮ Happiness ☺

Reasons for Hatred

Hatred is a negative feeling that humans normally feel for several reasons. They say that hatred is the absence of love but I don't really believe in that. Hatred and love can be felt towards someone or something at the same time. For me, hatred is actually better than being numb and not to feel anything. But why do we hate?

Setting modesty aside, I can say that I am indeed a nice person BUT I easily get irritated. I can classify this into two types: mild and serious. Mild irritation makes me feel hatred towards something or usually someone for a short period of time that once I have blurted it out I start to feel okay. I like it because I don't have to bear grudges in my heart. However, the other one is difficult to deal with.

I usually don't hate people in a serious level unless I have a reason. I cannot really assess why or how but based on my observation I feel this type of hatred whenever someone does a bad thing and just get away with it easily and even have the face and guts to appear as the opposite of what and who he/she is. I don't know why it is such a big deal for me when in truth it is really none of my business. Is it insecurity? Insecurity in a sense that others can do something bad and they don't feel guilty and I can't do the same. Sometimes I suddenly feel like I'm playing god that I want these people to be punished - that is why I feel serious hatred towards them.

I will not say that I am a righteous person but maybe I am self-righteous sometimes. As much as possible I try my best to do the right things although this is really a struggle in the real world. And because of this, I also want other people to do the same and since I can't control everyone, people who walk this life guilt-free with their wrongdoings get my serious-level hatred.

But I am not a god to be judgmental because even our real God is not. Nor am I a lawyer to question people. Right now, I am trying my best to let others live their lives considering that it is none of my business. On the other side, this attitude is actually just a result of my care for others and I am just afraid that along the way, I might just stop caring for those people too.

♥

Fight Anxiety

It has been my rule in life to never expect something good to avoid disappointments. However, no matter how hard we try not to expect, hope still exists. I always tell myself to hope for the best but expect the worst. But this sounds easier than done. No matter how much we convince ourselves that everything will be okay, still there's a little corner out there filled with anxiety. As far as I can remember, being anxious has been part of my personality since childhood. For some reasons, it's so easy for me to be worried and sometimes paranoid with the things happening around me. People who are very close to me who have known me since I was young tell me that I am idealistic that's why I always take things seriously and this is the reason why I always get anxious. I don't want to accept it but I am. If possible, I want things to be perfect and I want them to happen according to what I think is ideal. And when things go wrong or in a different direction as I am, then I get frustrated. Even though I am trying my best to change but it's difficult. I just want everything to be organized. It is so hard for me to put into reality that the world is composed of people with their own will and things happen according to the will of God.

At this moment, I remember the verse from the Bible that says:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

Matthew 6: 25-33

I know these things that I feel are God's challenges to me that I have to face and conquer.  I have to believe that God believes in me and that I will be able to surpass His trials.
Sometimes, God let us suffer so that we can remember that we are not supernaturals, we are humans and we need Him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 

There had been several times that things did not happen according to my will and I asked God why. I was not able to get the answer right away but as the time goes by, God is eventually answering me.

No matter how much we plan for our lives, God will always have the best plan for us.

Emo Disorder

According to Wiki and as how the doctors describe it, Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder, historically known as manic–depressive disorder, is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes.

The definition might be a bit hard to comprehend.. but not with me or with anyone who has this kind of disorder. Whenever it strikes me, I just can't seem to control my emotions. Bipolar disorder has many effects and in my case, it makes me so depress that no matter what I think of I just feel so depressed and tears just keep falling from my eyes. What makes it worse is that it makes me so sensitive that I easily get irritated. I hate it but once it strikes me I become a slave.

On the other hand, if the "happy mood" strikes you, then you become very, very, very happy! ☺

It has been almost 4 months since my last episode and I thought that I'm already okay but just last night it hit again. It was a good thing that I was able to overcome it after a couple of hours and having someone who understands you can be really a great help.

When I was younger I thought that I'm just ordinarily moody until I reached the age 19 when I found out that it's something more serious. But I don't want to take it heavily and although it can be a burden, it would still be best to have a positive outlook in life.

For those of you who think they are experiencing emotional disorder, don't be afraid to consult people who can diagnose your situation and who can help you overcome whatever it may be.

♥


Consolation: Many people involved with creativity and arts, such as Vincent van Gogh, are believed to have suffered from bipolar disorder. (From Wiki)
*If it's true then at least we have something in common hahaha*

Thoughts on Relationships

The word relationship is a general term which refers to the connection of an individual whether to another individual or to a group. There are many types of relationship and the term can be used in different perspectives. But let us focus on the most common type of relationship – the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

This type of relationship is easy to understand. Both the male and the female have mutual feelings of love for each other. At this point, the term love is just used to refer to the different basis of the feelings shared by the two people involved in the relationship. Yes, a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship can have different basis or foundation, and more often than not, these things also determine the rate of success of the relationship. Let us find out what can be the different basis or foundation of a relationship?

Friendship – this is very common whether in real life or in movies. There are a lot of relationships that started from friendship – either you belong to the same circle of friends, childhood friends, best friends, or even just casual friends. For me, this could be a good foundation because in most cases, the people involved already know each other and won’t have a hard time in getting along. Others say that friends should not develop an intimate understanding because it is forbidden. But that is not true – friendship is a nice thing and does not forbid the gift of love. However, there will come a time that they might feel awkward especially when they start to realize that boyfriend-girlfriend is different from just being friends. But if they are able to survive this stage, then there is a big possibility that their relationship can be successful.

Courting – this refers to the process where the male pursuits the female. Courting also happens in the friendship category mentioned above but courting when the people barely know each other can be a different case. It usually goes like this: Mr. Guy saw Miss Girl and got attracted and he tried to find a way how to know Miss Girl. Finally he got the chance to be introduced and started asking her to go out and start knowing each other. During this stage, mutual feelings develop and finally Miss Girl would agree to have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with Mr. Guy.

 *** But not all courting stories end like this :D There can be different versions such as: 1) Mr. Guy realized that he doesn’t really like Miss Girl so he would stop courting; 2) Miss Girl will not develop mutual feelings with Mr. Guy so at the end, its either she would say NO or LET’S JUST BE FRIENDS ☺***

With all the unique individuals in this world, there are unique love stories. Some are happy, some are not. But what makes a love story successful? Is it chocolates? Flowers? Dinner Dates? Hugs and kisses? Expensive gifts? Sweetness? NO. It’s a BIG NO. NO. NO. NO.

No matter how sweet your relationship is and no matter how luxurious your relationship can be – those things are not the basis of a strong and successful relationship.

FAITH – some synonyms of this word in the thesaurus are: confidence, trust, reliance, conviction, belief, assurance and devotion. By just reading these words, you might think that it is very difficult but it’s not. It’s just a matter of believing that your partner is a gift from God and that he or she is guided by God and that you have God in your relationship. You don’t have to be religious to have faith – all you need is to believe in the love that you  feel but once you doubt your love for each other, then it’s time for you to think and pray.

HONESTY – some synonyms are uprightness, morality, trustworthiness and decency. Yes, honesty is the best policy and indeed it is. But we can’t deny the fact that this is sooooo hard to do. Maybe there’s some thingy there in our brain which always initiate the will to lie. But just ALWAYS remember: A RELATIONSHIP BASED ON LIES IS A RELATIONSHIP THAT DIES. Never ever make lies as the foundation of your relationship, because you are not only lying to your partner but also to God and to yourself.

UNDERSTANDING – nobody in this world doesn’t need understanding. If you don’t want to understand then you don’t deserve to be understood. It’s as simple as that.

These things are just the basics – but they mean a lot and should be valued. And of course LOVE. But love is not just a single aspect because if you lack the things mentioned above, then what you feel is not love – it’s just a mere attraction.

Love is a gift from God. Love is the most wonderful thing that can be shared by two people – but this can only happen if both understand what it takes to love – faith, honesty and understanding. ♥♥♥

~Random Thoughts~

I just wanna share these thoughts that keep on popping in my head in the past few days:

♥


About success...
Success is a matter of perspective and should not be associated with achievements. It should be about happiness, contentment and fulfillment.
Because no matter how much someone has achieved in life but if that person is not happy nor contented nor fulfilled, then that person cannot be considered successful.
On the other hand, even though you have achieved little in this life but if your heart has happiness, contentment and fulfillment, then you have all the right to consider yourself successful.

♥

About teaching...
In life, you can only give what you have. And from the perspective of a teacher, you can only teach what you know. For you to teach more, you have to know more. And if you want to know more, you should not stop learning.. you should not stop seeking knowledge for you to have something more to share.
The moment you stop learning, you are also marking the day that you will stop teaching.

♥

~twistedwriter~

on a rainy afternoon...

Rain, rain go away.. Come again another day...

This is one of the songs I learned when I was still a little child. I am lucky that my mother taught me a lot of nursery rhymes and children songs. I just suddenly remembered this song because it's raining again. Some people say that when it rains, the heaven is crying that is why the ambiance seems to be gloomy. What's more funny is that when it's raining and the sun is up, it means that there is a frog or a horse wedding going on somewhere out there :) Hahahaha!


Even though rain has a scientific explanation, I am still amused at how people give different interpretations when it rains. Well, sometimes I love it when it rains because it gives me the opportunity to enjoy a delicious cup of coffee and a warm, comforting hug. But there are also times that I hate rain especially when I'm still at the office because it's really difficult to go home when it's raining cats and dogs.  Sometimes even a big umbrella is useless.


Whether we like it or not, rain is part of nature and it has a significant role in the cycle of life - and let us just enjoy the raindrops in any way we can.
♥

The feeling of fulfillment :)(Part 1)

I love to write. I write just about anything. I don't have a specific style in writing. I just love to write to express, share my views or sometimes to inform. I've been involved in writing since I was in elementary. I started as a news writer for our school paper then became the associate editor. ☺

During high school, I became a feature writer and have actively participated in campus journalism and conferences. To God be the glory that I also won several awards and I also became the editor-in-chief of our school paper. ☺

Summer before I entered college, I thought of taking up a degree in Journalism or Creative Writing. However, my father was against it. So to make the long story short, I ended up with a degree in Computer Science.

When I was in college I thought that I will no longer be able to pursue my dream of becoming a writer. But then I realized that if I really have the passion to write then I can write - it doesn't have to be my profession - because writing is more of a passion than a profession. A professor of mine in college noticed that passion and he encouraged me to join journalism competitions. With God's grace I was able to succeed and once again became an editor-in-chief, this time for our college newsletter. ☺

Reminiscing those things really makes me feel so fulfilled that somehow I was able to share something that God has given me. I know that I am NOT a perfect writer. My works are still subject to errors and corrections. But through the years, I've learned that what matters most is not how good you write but your intentions in writing and the amount of dedication your put to it.

My passion, dedication, love and respect for writing are the things that makes me continue in pursuing my dream. And I hope that I would still have the opportunity to write as long as I am able.

♥

Shaky Hands

I don't know what happened to me today. I woke up feeling so sick - cough is still on plus a headache. But there's nothing to worry about - I got up, prepared my uniform, took a bath and got ready to go to school. As soon as I arrived at the office, I started to do my paper works - recorded my students' scores on the previous quiz. Then I noticed that something is wrong. My hands were so shaky. I tried to make them relax but it didn't work. I felt afraid and had negative thoughts. Maybe I just need some rest. Yes! I need some time to rest and relax - but those are the things that I cannot afford right now and I don't know why!

Why is it that sometimes, the simplest things in life are so difficult to have?

Well, maybe because these things are priceless.

And maybe because the are times that we choose to work rather than rest and relax.

Better be silent than tell lies...

The truth shall prevail. This is a very popular statement, but is it true or is it just another lie? Another statement: Honesty is the best policy. Is it?

Truth - the meaning of this simple word has been drastically changed by people depending on their principles about it. The truth must be absolute, it should be objective. But as the society dictates, it is the opposite.

The truth is no longer the truth but it is what people believe no matter if it is a lie. But who invented lies? Why do people lie?

The main purpose of a lie is to cover up the truth. Lies are told because there is fear - fear of the consequences of what the truth might bring. Indeed, the truth doesn't always give us a happy ending. There are times that we have to accept the fact that the truth hurts - difficult may be but this is part of life.

Countless people have told lies (including me) in order to cover the truth - truth that can be painful, truth that can be shameful. But then I realize, if we don't want to unleash the truth, then why not just avoid it? Isn't it better to be silent and keep our mouth shut than to talk and tell nothing but lies?

Let's analyze the two options:
Telling lies - completely wrong
Being silent - not wrong but doesn't justify that it is right

So I'll just leave this question to you, which is a better option?
Hint: Choose the lesser of two evils.

:)

Still Me...

Out of boredom, i just thought of creating a blog.. as i went through the process of creating an account, i got a message that there is already an existing blog account with my email address.. then i remembered that i created this blog account almost 5 years ago.. way back when i was in college.
Since i want to entertain myself, i read my previous posts and was surprised to realize that somehow, i did not change at all. When i read my posts, i can say that it was really me who wrote them. The way i reacted to things 5 years ago is still the same as to how i react to things now that i am almost 24.
Indeed, it is true that change is the constant thing in this world. People do change. But as for me.. I'm still working on how to change my self.. for the better.
I'm a self-confessed drama queen.. and I don't like it either.
Well at least I am aware of it :) and I'm STILL doing my best to improve it. ♥