Reasons for Hatred

Hatred is a negative feeling that humans normally feel for several reasons. They say that hatred is the absence of love but I don't really believe in that. Hatred and love can be felt towards someone or something at the same time. For me, hatred is actually better than being numb and not to feel anything. But why do we hate?

Setting modesty aside, I can say that I am indeed a nice person BUT I easily get irritated. I can classify this into two types: mild and serious. Mild irritation makes me feel hatred towards something or usually someone for a short period of time that once I have blurted it out I start to feel okay. I like it because I don't have to bear grudges in my heart. However, the other one is difficult to deal with.

I usually don't hate people in a serious level unless I have a reason. I cannot really assess why or how but based on my observation I feel this type of hatred whenever someone does a bad thing and just get away with it easily and even have the face and guts to appear as the opposite of what and who he/she is. I don't know why it is such a big deal for me when in truth it is really none of my business. Is it insecurity? Insecurity in a sense that others can do something bad and they don't feel guilty and I can't do the same. Sometimes I suddenly feel like I'm playing god that I want these people to be punished - that is why I feel serious hatred towards them.

I will not say that I am a righteous person but maybe I am self-righteous sometimes. As much as possible I try my best to do the right things although this is really a struggle in the real world. And because of this, I also want other people to do the same and since I can't control everyone, people who walk this life guilt-free with their wrongdoings get my serious-level hatred.

But I am not a god to be judgmental because even our real God is not. Nor am I a lawyer to question people. Right now, I am trying my best to let others live their lives considering that it is none of my business. On the other side, this attitude is actually just a result of my care for others and I am just afraid that along the way, I might just stop caring for those people too.

♥

Emo Disorder

According to Wiki and as how the doctors describe it, Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder, historically known as manic–depressive disorder, is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes.

The definition might be a bit hard to comprehend.. but not with me or with anyone who has this kind of disorder. Whenever it strikes me, I just can't seem to control my emotions. Bipolar disorder has many effects and in my case, it makes me so depress that no matter what I think of I just feel so depressed and tears just keep falling from my eyes. What makes it worse is that it makes me so sensitive that I easily get irritated. I hate it but once it strikes me I become a slave.

On the other hand, if the "happy mood" strikes you, then you become very, very, very happy! ☺

It has been almost 4 months since my last episode and I thought that I'm already okay but just last night it hit again. It was a good thing that I was able to overcome it after a couple of hours and having someone who understands you can be really a great help.

When I was younger I thought that I'm just ordinarily moody until I reached the age 19 when I found out that it's something more serious. But I don't want to take it heavily and although it can be a burden, it would still be best to have a positive outlook in life.

For those of you who think they are experiencing emotional disorder, don't be afraid to consult people who can diagnose your situation and who can help you overcome whatever it may be.

♥


Consolation: Many people involved with creativity and arts, such as Vincent van Gogh, are believed to have suffered from bipolar disorder. (From Wiki)
*If it's true then at least we have something in common hahaha*